Raised by conservative Cuban and Dominican parents, my exposure to sex was being shown two pictures of a fortress - one with raised gates and one with a moat (I was strongly encouraged to be a closed fortress). I knew that wasn’t the whole story so I became curious about all aspects of sex and the women who exuded it. I was obsessed with the impossible women of history like Mary Magdalene, Cleopatra, and Queen of Sheba. But like most people, I moved on to more practical matters.

I moved to New York City from Miami at 17 with $7. I did the banking thing and spent 15 uninspired years investigating financial crime. After an embarrassing encounter with an organizing professional, I founded House of Plume, an intimate lifestyle brand that creates storage products for sex toys. I longed for community in a socially ostracizing industry so I co-founded the Women of Sex Tech.

I have spoken to hundreds of people - in elevators, at bars, nail salons - about their sex lives and their definition of pleasure, what they most desired, and what stops them. Though I was in a business that’s all about bringing pleasure to others, I wasn’t creating it for myself.

I got tired of being tired.

I was slugging through the day and mad about it. One day, I wrote in my journal ‘I am tired of life being tired.’ I focused on what I did have, instead of what I didn’t. I took long baths, slowly inhaled the jasmine scent of my candles, or popped bubble wrap. For awhile, it took concerted effort because I felt I didn’t deserve it.

After consistent action, I made pleasure a habit.

No, I don’t sit around all day fanning myself and eating grapes. I slow down, even if it’s for a few minutes, to do something for my pure enjoyment - masturbating, coloring, going for a savoring walk. Pleasure is not a treat for being productive - I deserve it for simply being human.

Pleasure is my birthright and it is my responsibility.

Life shifted. I got authentic and not just honest - I went grey after years of dying. I stepped into discomfort. I attracted men that were outside of my type of successful, charming and hopelessly unavailable. I got creative and brave. Hurt and disappointment happen and don’t resist them as much. Better yet, they became my greatest teachers.

Pleasure is defined as the ‘state of gratification’ and ‘a source of delight or joy.’

Sex is important, but it’s just one piece of the pleasure pie. My work is about bringing the joy and satisfaction to the nonsexual parts of your life too.

Our experiences create our beliefs, many of which are involuntary and influenced by our family of origin, unconscious generational teachings and our social standing in society.

My work is focused on ontology, or the philosophical study of being. I have been involved in the self study of ontology for 5 years and I follow the ethical standards of the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Pleasure, love and relationships have been my passion for at least 10 years.

Ontological coaching is grounded in the practical understanding of language, moods, emotions and the relationships that support personal transformation. Practically said, I focus on your Way of Being, or your personal experience around what matters to you. If your experience were water, your Way of Being is the temperature, how it feels to you and how you are navigating it. Our experiences, especially about pleasure, are colored by the language we give them.

My work is dedicated to redefining limiting beliefs about pleasure and desire through the practice of radical self acceptance and self-mastery.