4 ways to beat languishing aka pandemic malaise with pleasure
Photo Credit: Lidia Bonilla
ou are no longer trapped in the house, but you probably can’t see your favorite artist in concert yet. You are expected to produce stellar results in a home office that serves as part barricade, lunch counter and nap sanctuary. More people are getting vaccinated, but the bright hope vaccinations meant a year ago just isn’t the same now. Death and the constant fear of it may not surrounding you like it did in 2020, but it’s there the looming threat of the second (or third wave) looming.
All of the awakening moments of 2020 — the galvanizing in the aftermath of the George Floyd murder, the change in perspective the pandemic has provided, and the extraordinary changes we all have had to make as a result — have lead us here. There has been no neat way to conclude any of this. It seems like this messy middle is much longer than we intended.
The result is every day can seem annoyingly similar to the next.
According to Adam Grant in his New York Times article, this is languishing, which “a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. And it might be the dominant emotion of 2021.”
Well, what can you do about it? Here are my tested tips on how to get through your own experience of languishing.
Say yes by saying no. Make a mental note of how many times you say yes automatically without checking in with your desires or energy. For example, saying no to boundary-less requests on your time is saying yes to you. Saying no to a second date where there wasn’t much of a vibe is saying yes to you. I was a guest on Laura Mignott’s Reset Podcast when I created the 7 Day No Challenge on the fly.
The CEO of DFlash, a New York-based cultural communications agency, Laura said “I did it for 7 days and when I tell you I got so much done by just saying NO to things that didn’t serve me.”
2. Carve out time for yourself during your workday. The structure of capitalism has completely warped our own perception of self care and self worth. Yes, it’s okay to take time for yourself during the day for a non child/caretaker/medical task. Spend 15 minutes sexting your partner or painting your toes. The financial system as we know it will not fall because you took time to masturbate (no Zoom oopsies please).
3. Experience the present moment by monotasking. Too many productivity gurus for me to name can tell you the value of doing one task at a time with respect to producing more in less time. However, not much is said of how focusing one thing can sharpen our experience of pleasure. Think about how weird sex is when you think about your to-do list instead on what’s happening. Take on doing one pleasurable thing at a time. If it’s coloring (one of my fave things), then do only this, music off. Platforms like CaveDay and apps like Focus Keeper are great tools.
4. Distinguish when you are coping or seeking pleasure. Coping is defined as how ‘to deal with and attempt to overcome problems and difficulties.’ In essence, when you are coping you are working AGAINST something. Pleasure is going TOWARD joy, coping is PUSHING discomfort down. For example, you are coping when you choose ice cream over sending out resumes because you hate your job. Pleasure is enjoying ice cream because it’s ice cream. Your intention not only impacts your experience, but is a deciding factor if you will feel guilty afterward or not.
We do not know how long La Pandemia will last. However, we are in vast control of our experience of it — you can languish or you can be pleasurably present; one takes little effort, the other will take some truth telling and action.